Came Upon a Midnight Clear by Katie Porter

Author:Katie Porter
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Samhain Publishing, Ltd.
Published: 2012-11-27T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Seventeen

They were living in the past, but they hadn’t talked about the past—not in any meaningful way that would wipe away the hurt.

Kyle’s heart had crunched tight like a fist upon hearing Nate’s slurred admission, that he’d taken pictures with him to prison. It didn’t make sense. Before their ten-year hiatus, during that last, awful argument, Nate had worn institutional orange and an expression that said seeing Kyle’s face was the last thing he wanted.

So the past could stay the fuck away. They were kissing. They were winding closer and closer on the couch. And at least for Kyle, they were celebrating the success of what could’ve been a devastating day. No more than two weeks remained in this brief, blissful reprieve. He intended to keep the history buried, even if opening that old grave would finally answer decades-old questions.

Why did you do it?

Why did you send me away?

Why didn’t I come find you when you were free?

Kyle pushed his tongue into Nate’s mouth—anything to keep from speaking those words. He shoved them back down into the pit of his stomach, where he kept all the secrets that had the power to eat him alive.

Only a quick hiss snapped Kyle out of those dark places. “Shit,” he said. “Did I hurt you?”

“It’s okay.” Nate’s eyes still held the glassy sheen of painkillers, but he was coming back into himself. That meant the return of his pain.

“No, it’s not.”

Desire and fatigue and caring fueled a bubbling burn in Kyle’s lungs. He wanted to breathe. Maybe breathe for the first time. He’d felt like that once with Nate—chest expanding with pride and hope and love—but he’d been holding his breath ever since.

Would it be so terrible? What if coming out meant keeping Nate? Kyle could be the man he’d always wanted to be. He would be free to express himself in newer, more honest ways. Then, with that freedom giving him strength, he would hold on to Nate for longer than the next few brief days. Maybe all Nate needed was a show of faith. Then they could sort through the past, put it away and start fresh.

That show of faith, however… Coming out would undo everything Kyle had fought to achieve. He’d lost Nate once. All that had remained was school and ambition. Even if he threw all of that away on a chance, he had no guarantee Nate wouldn’t self-destruct again. Throw them away.

He couldn’t take that risk, no matter how much he ached for a different sort of future.

He stood from the couch too quickly, nearly knocking his laptop off the coffee table. God, he could run a marathon with his unspent energy, building and building.

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand. “You need to get cleaned up.”

Nate made a face then yawned so wide his eyes scrunched shut. “In the morning. Get back here. We weren’t finished.”

“Just getting started. And that means hygiene. I’m not going down on you if you smell of swamp balls.”

“Classy, man. Seriously classy.

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